The most valuable thing
Whoever cares most wins.
Let’s talk about the most valuable thing in the world.
120 years ago the Cullinan Diamond was unearthed from a mine in South Africa. Weighing in at 3,106 carats it still to this day is the largest diamond ever found. But for my engaged fellas, you know there are three other C’s to worry about. At that size you know this thing was uncut, so that leaves just two. Clarity: flawless. Color: D. But The Cullinan Diamond is not the valuable thing I wanted to talk about today. It was just a hook to get you reading this far.
The actual most valuable thing is sincerity. Ironic because of the insincerity of the last paragraph. But oh well.
I really do think sincerity is so valuable because of how rare it is. There are reasons it is rare. In order to be sincere you have to be extremely vulnerable. When you are sincere you risk weirding people out, your risk rejection, you risk… cringe. We live in a world that values ironic detachment, jocularity, and “whoever cares less wins” so why be sincere? What is there to gain?
You turn on the news and the anchor, plastered with makeup and a perfect haircut will tell you about bombings and the cost of groceries going up with a practiced serious face. They can afford the groceries. They don’t know anyone getting bombed. They won’t cry during their segment, and if they do someone will remix it to house music. They are just reading and playing a part. The most serious things in the world still avoid the weight of sincerity.
It’s not the anchors fault. You too learned insincerity from a young age. Only the dorks raised their hands straight up in class. The cool kids knew how to feign detachment. To raise their hands halfway and deliver their correct answers sandwiched between a “like” and a “or whatever”. You learned to dap up your guy friends and to half hug your girl friends with one arm. Skimming along above the world without really touching it enough to face potential downsides.
How long was it before you learned how to look good in a picture? Did you do a duck face? A soft smile? Did you mog the camera? How far do you have to go back to see your real smile unashamed and unabashedly joyous? Not thinking about how it would look online, just beaming because the cameraman said to “say cheese” and you thought that was funny and you were happy.
When did we start meme-ifying our emotions? Referring to celebrities as “spirit animals” rather than saying that you think they are so pretty and cool and made you feel something inside that you couldn’t explain because it wasn’t sexual and you didn’t know them but it was something akin to love.
Well I’m here to tell you that sincerity is back in. It feels good. You can hug with both arms and squeeze your friends tight. You don’t have to worry about weirding them out because if you hold on long enough they will feel like you do. You can tell your friends you love them without adding the cushion of a “bro” at the end. You can drop the “lol” at the end of the text.
You can ask questions because you are curious about the answer. When someone gets back from a trip is “how was the trip?” what you’re really wondering? Is that what you want the answer to? Or are you curious if it changed them. Are you curious if it made them think of the world differently and if so, how?
When your friend has a baby is “aww congrats he’s so cute!” what you really feel? If you sit on it a little bit longer are you maybe thinking that its crazy that they created life. That you knew them as a child and now they have a child? That they are one step closer to dying now that they have contributed to the generation that will someday replace them? These are sincere thoughts and they are important.
When you are leaving a dinner party, its certainly nice to say “thank you so much for hosting” but sincere doesn’t just mean kind. Maybe tell them how these times together are what make life worth living. Tell them how to be in their home where they sleep and live gave you a deeper understanding of who they are as a person and to drink wine with them and let down your guard hopefully gave them a similar insight into your own being. I’m sure they would appreciate it.
My friend Ben and I. Whenever we see each other we hug each other a little too long and we kiss each other on the cheeks. Not the quick air kisses like we’re Emilies in Paris. Like I feel his stubble on my cheeks and his lips on my jawline. I feel his warmth. It started as a joke for sure. But now it is something different. It’s rare and its sincere.
I was feeling down after work one day and had dinner with friends. One of the friends was in a great mood, as he was going to Formula 1 in Miami the following week. His energy was infectious. I texted him after to let him know that he brought light into my day during that dinner and on many other occasions and that he should know how valuable he is. Just for the energy he brings to situations.
My other friend’s dog died last week. She texted me asking how long it will hurt. That she can’t stop crying. We talked about how there is no shortcut through this. How you have to cry a lot. How people will start to lose sympathy long before the sadness is gone. How they will think it was “just a dog”. How the pain wont feel less because of how others perceive it.
Over 100 million carats of diamonds are unearthed each year.
Sincerity feels rare but it doesn’t have to. Even if you make sincerity more common in your life. If you fight the urge to crack a joke or act like it’s all whatever. The sincerity doesn’t become any less valuable.
Bye! ✌️