I’ve been a bit of a hater lately. Talking shit on my friends. What I think is wrong with culture or society. The usual. I know. Weird right? My whole substack is based around seeing the positive. Its name is a literal call to abandon cynicism as a central ethos.
So am I a hypocrite? Was the uncynicism just a thin veil? Well, maybe. But I think looking at being a hater through an uncynical lens you start to see it differently. Being uncynical doesn’t mean you like everything and think everything is great. It means you view the world as generally sincere. And criticism can be sincere as well. A world without it I think could be actually worse. Let me explain (and justify myself!)
In order to make things better, which I think we all are generally trying to do in our own way, we have to identify what better is. Better than what? I think much of what is defined as being a “hater” is actually the practice of discernment.
Knowing what you like also means knowing what you don’t like. Recognizing something as good means you must also have some idea of what is not good.
Having discernment is important.
Judgement as a teacher
I often find myself with groups of people who refuse to do this. They, with good intentions, will never speak ill of someone. If you point out “I don’t really like how whenever we hang out with X they are always doing Y” and this friend may respond with “I think they’re a good guy. Their hearts in the right place.” And like yeah, that may be true. And the purpose of the discussion should not be to tear them down. But to identify something.
Betterment works on many scales. One of the most realistic forms of betterment is self-improvement. Making yourself into the person you want to be. And a great way to do that is to look around at all the examples in the world. You are surrounded by people that have traits you want and traits… you don’t want. That is the thing you are trying to identify with these discussions (hopefully).
It is extremely helpful to see things in people you don’t like or think are bad and say “I don’t want to be like that.” Especially since often the things that bother you in people are characteristics you possess (consciously or subconsciously). When its subconscious, it’s nice to have that distance from it, identify it, and then start the work of excising it.
Having taste
If we zoom out a little from the immediate self and personality, the next place you often want to improve the world is your immediate surroundings.
Again, here, it is important to have discernment (or be a bit of a hater sometimes). Knowing what you don’t like to see or situations you don’t like to be in is a good start. But it is not enough. You need to dissect and figure out why you find these things to be distasteful in order to build your taste.
This is how you construct a strong sense of self. Knowing what you don’t enjoy and not partaking in it is obviously a luxury one earns from six seasons of a popular TV show, but is something you can work towards in your own life. But if you don’t think about and talk about what you don’t like then you won’t be able to avoid situations where you don’t enjoy yourself until it’s too late.
Whether its dating, going out at night, workplaces. You should possess a strong sense of what you don’t like and why. It will make for a much more enjoyable life. You don’t need to be focused on this. Focus on what you do like of course. But have it in the backpocket so you can live a bit more like Samantha Jones.
Where the world is going
This is where it gets tricky. I don’t think we have a big shortage of people vocalizing what they don’t like about the world or where its heading. In fact, here is where I think it’s really important to emphasize that if your worldview is mainly shaped by your dislikes rather than your likes, hopes, and dreams, you are doing it wrong. I am not one to give advice as I am (relatively) young and not especially wise. But I know for a fact that this will lead to a bad life.
This isn’t just, “don’t be racist” or “love thy neighbor.” It’s that negative thoughts should be rare and infrequent and just act as vague guardrails and guidelines so you know where to steer towards what you do like. Your focus should be on creating a world you do like. Otherwise its like going bowling and thinking obsessively about the gutters. The pins are the goal, brother. In this analogy the pins are how you want the world to be.
So…
It’s okay to be a little bit of a hater sometimes. It can help you crystallize and clarify things. It can be beneficial to sort the things in the world and then to analyze why you sorted them that way. Makes you have a better idea of who you are. But you should be willing to re-evaluate. You shouldn’t make it the main shaper of your world view. But also, don’t beat yourself up over talking a little shit. Pretending everything is good and thinking that to say otherwise is a character flaw isn’t helping anyone.
I connect a little too much with this cat.